The Leadership and Parenting Crossover

Here's something we don't say out loud often enough: parenting and leadership are two of the most demanding roles out there — and no one ever feels completely prepared for either. You can read all the books and listen to all the podcasts, but both roles will stretch you in ways you didn't expect. They require presence, test your values, and surface every emotional blind spot and insecurity. But they also offer something powerful: the opportunity to grow with the people you're responsible for.

In both roles, people look to you for guidance, consistency, and safety. And in both, how you show up matters more than what you know.

Parenting has reshaped how I lead. And leadership keeps influencing how I parent. At the core of both is the same question:

Can I stay grounded enough in myself to truly see, support, and stretch someone else?

When we're in leadership positions or parenting, it's easy to put ourselves at the centre of it all and believe everything that happens is a commentary on us. But the real work in both roles is to centre someone else. It's about tuning in to what they need, creating the conditions for them to grow, and recognizing that my discomfort or ego isn't the priority. In short, it's not about me.

Let's break that down together. 

Presence Matters More than Perfection

Once you start looking inward, it becomes obvious how much pressure we put on ourselves to get it all right. I used to think being a great parent or leader meant always being on all the time — always available, positive, and composed.

But that idea isn't just unsustainable; it's unnecessary.

What people need, whether they're your child or your team member, isn't your perfection; it's your presence. They want your willingness to show up as you are and to stay when things are hard.

That presence, grounded in authenticity, is what makes people feel seen. And when people feel seen, something shifts… they begin to open up.

Emotional Skills Aren't Intuitive... They're Taught

That openness brings us face to face with emotion — our own and other people's. And that's where a lot of us fall into old habits. When someone is overwhelmed, a lot of us instinctively reach for control. We say things like, "Calm down," "It's not a big deal," and "You're overreacting."

But emotional regulation isn't something people just know how to do. It has to be learned. Just like you'd teach someone how to shoot a basketball or play an instrument, emotional skills require practice, not pressure.

As a parent and a leader, I've had to unlearn the impulse to minimize or fix. I've had to learn how to stay with emotion, name it, and make it safe to feel — without judgment or urgency.

Because when we see emotions as signals rather than threats, everyone becomes more capable of handling the hard stuff.

Growth Happens When People Feel Safe

And that capacity — that resilience — is exactly what creates the conditions for growth.

I remember when one of my kids tried hockey for the first time. They were the least experienced players on the ice. They froze, cried, and wanted to quit. Every part of me wanted to step in — to rescue or to push. But instead, we talked. We talked about being new, about discomfort versus danger, and what it means to try even when you're afraid.

Eventually, they went back out — not because I forced them to, but because they felt safe enough to make that choice themselves.

It reminded me of how similar things are in the workplace. People don't stretch when failure equals shame. They stretch when they know the ground beneath them will hold — even if they fall.

You're the Container, Not the Outcome

Trust doesn't guarantee results. But it does invite people to explore.

Still, it's easy to lose perspective when outcomes fall short. I've seen leaders shut down after one low-attendance training session or a team initiative that didn't land. The instinct is to take it personally and to believe you failed.

But the truth is: your role isn't to control outcomes, it's to create the space for possibility. You're the container, not the result.

That shift frees us from the trap of over-identifying with results. It helps us maintain effort, stay level-headed in disappointment, and be clear on what we can actually control.

Repair Builds More Trust Than Never Messing Up

Of course, even with the best intentions, we all can fall short. I've lost my temper with my team. I've shut down my family, and even I've reacted poorly because of stress. And while I used to see those moments as failures, I now see them as something else: opportunities for repair.

Because what matters more than getting it right is making it right.

When we take ownership, name the impact, and rebuild trust, we model something far more important than flawlessness. We show that relationships can withstand strain. That accountability is safe, and that connection can be rebuilt.

When You're Triggered, Pay Attention

Most of the time, the things that trip us up are the ones that reflect something unresolved in ourselves. I've watched my kid freeze under pressure and felt a wave of frustration, only to realize they were mirroring my own fear of failure.

That's the thing about leadership and parenting: they hold up a mirror, and at times, it is not a flattering one. It's not the kind you pose for but the kind that shows you what's really there — your patterns, your wounds, and your unfinished work.

It's not easy to look into that mirror. It can be uncomfortable, even confronting. But it's also an invitation.

Instead of reacting, I've learned to pause and ask myself: What's being stirred up in me? What part of my story is this touching? And how can I respond from my values, not my past pain?

Because growth starts with understanding yourself. And the mirror moments, as hard as they are, are often the ones that move us forward.

Respect Isn't Soft — It's Strong

That guidance doesn't always look gentle, and it shouldn't. Real respect isn't about keeping people comfortable, it's about helping them grow with dignity intact.

That's why I often return to the idea of "respectful parenting." It's a reminder that boundaries and compassion aren't opposites. In fact, they go hand in hand. You can be warm and direct, supportive and firm, and understanding and clear.

The same is true in leadership. Your job isn't to be liked by everyone. It's to create a culture where people can develop, and sometimes that includes challenge, stretch, and discomfort.

Final Thought: This Is All Practice

Whether you're leading a team or raising a child, this is all a practice. There's no finish line or moment when you've mastered it all. There are just daily opportunities to show up, stay open, keep learning, and move toward your values.

If I can promise one thing, it's that you will mess up, you will get tired, and you will try things that don't work.

But if you stay curious, stay grounded, and keep returning to your values, you'll grow. And so will the people around you.

That's the real work. To walk alongside others not because you've figured it all out but because you're committed to figuring it out together.