The Case for Trusting First

Hot take: trust isn't something that has to be earned — it's something that should be given. Many people believe trust must be won through trials and tribulations as if it's a prize rather than a fundamental part of working (and all) relationships. Leaders often adopt this mindset, assuming employees must prove themselves before being trusted. But in my experience, this does more harm than good.

Trust isn't an all-or-nothing concept. It can be built, ruptured, repaired, and nurtured — it just requires a shift in mindset.

Why Trust Needs to Be Given First

Trust can often be invisible until it's missing. When it's high, teams move faster, communication flows smoothly, and employees feel empowered. But when trust is low? Everything slows down. People second-guess decisions, withhold information, and play it safe. In essence, we just try to survive. 

And trust isn't just about the "feel good" moments. In fact, some of the best data we have on team performance — like Amy Edmondson's research on psychological safety — shows that high-trust teams often report more mistakes. But not because they're worse teams. It's because people feel safe enough to speak up when something goes wrong. They're not hiding or downplaying errors out of fear.

That openness is a strength. It leads to fewer serious mistakes over time, more learning, and more innovation. Contrarily, teams that lack trust might look calm on the surface — but underneath, issues are going unspoken until they eventually boil over.

This is where leadership mindset really matters. Too many leaders expect trust to be earned rather than realizing that their job is to give it. What if trust was something we chose to extend from the start rather than a reward given only after someone proves themselves? 

Choosing to trust doesn't mean having no boundaries or giving full autonomy when unearned; it means assuming good intentions from the start. This mindset allows leaders to identify gaps or challenges rather than jumping to conclusions and creating biases towards a staff member.

When a leader starts from a place of mistrust, it usually shows up as micromanaging, needing constant updates, and demanding proof for everything — which just creates even more mistrust. It's easy to blame the other person, but if we take a step back and reflect, we will likely realize it's often more about us. Our own doubts, insecurities, or second-guessing of hiring decisions can shape how much trust we're willing to give. In many cases, it's less about someone being untrustworthy and more about our own discomfort and even insecurities with letting go of control.

When leaders operate from a place of "earn my trust first," it creates a cycle. This often looks like micromanagement, tighter oversight, frustration, self-doubt, and more frustration on both sides. When we are stuck in this loop, employees will start to doubt their own abilities, and so will the team. 

We have to remember we hired this person for a reason, often connected to their capabilities and experience. Yet we don't provide them the space to do what they were brought in to do. This breaks down confidence and engagement, leading to more turnover and less productivity.

But when leaders choose to trust first, everything changes. That doesn't mean ignoring performance issues; it means approaching them with curiosity instead of judgment or suspicion. Trust isn't blind faith; it's a strategic choice that fosters better outcomes for everyone involved.

What Trust Really Means

We should define trust before we go any further. A definition we like to use at Ember is from Charles Feltman's "The Thin Book of Trust:" 

Choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person's actions. 

In other words, trust is a risk and vulnerability — and it's built on a number of factors, but Feltman identified the following four critical components:

• Care – Do I believe this person has my best interests in mind?

• Sincerity – Are they being honest and real with me?

• Reliability – Can I count on them to follow through?

• Competence – Do they have the skills to complete the task? 

Trust requires vulnerability, and therefore, leaders must be willing to take risks." It starts with us. Choosing to trust means choosing to be vulnerable — and that's rarely comfortable. It can stir up fear, embarrassment, even shame. That's why real trust needs inner work. We have to be aware of what we're bringing into the relationship — our past experiences, our fears, our assumptions, in essence, our baggage — and actively choose to stay open anyway.

But what happens when trust is broken? Or when it truly doesn't feel like someone can be trusted to do their job? Mistrust is often misdiagnosed. We're quick to make simple judgments about a person when, in reality, what's going on is often far more complex — things like misunderstandings, personal challenges, skill gaps, cultural differences, or even just someone being stretched too than are more likely to be the cause of the issue. We'll explore how to repair trust after it's been broken in our next blog, but for now, let's explore how leaders can lean into building trust now.  

Trust Starts with You

Trust isn't a one-time decision — it's something we practice every day. It shows up in the small moments: giving someone the benefit of the doubt, pausing before jumping to conclusions, or offering support instead of scrutiny.

It starts with noticing when we're holding back trust and asking ourselves why. Are we reacting to someone's actions — or our own fears? Are we protecting something that feels vulnerable, or are we open to connection and growth?

When trust feels hard, try:

• Flipping your thinking: Assume positive intent instead of bracing for the worst.

• Naming your fears: Write down what you're worried might happen, and think through how you'd handle it.

• Knowing your people: The better you understand your team — their strengths, growth areas, and working styles — the easier it is to trust them with the right things.

Leading with trust doesn't mean being naive — it means choosing vulnerability. This is a mindset that builds stronger teams, deeper connections, and better results. It's not always easy, but it's worth it.

Building Trust Without Losing Control

Giving trust first doesn't mean letting go of structure — it just means you're leading with vulnerability. This requires confidence instead of control. Trust and accountability aren't opposites. In fact, they actually work better together when expectations are clear.

Here are a few ways  leaders can build trust without feeling like they're losing grip:

• Focus on the lighthouse: Clarity is kindness, the more clear you can be in what expectations you have of the endpoint the more likelihood of success.

• Set the boundaries: Ensure there is clarity on what the expectations the team can work within (e.g., resources, time etc.). This can help give space for the team to work and also create a reference point for the team to know when they may need to check-in.

• Stay connected, not controlling: Set up regular check-ins, shared goals, or simple ways to stay aligned. Be clear on what help may look like for them — no need to hover.

• Match the task to the person: Are you giving someone a job they're set up to succeed in? Sometimes, what looks like a trust issue is actually a mismatch in skills or clarity.

So, what would happen if you trusted first?

If you trusted first, maybe things would move a little faster. Maybe your team would feel more confident, more seen, more capable. Maybe you'd spend less time checking up and more time cheering on.

Trusting first doesn't mean letting go of standards or accountability; it means choosing connection over control. It means recognizing that leadership isn't about holding tight, it's about creating space for people to grow, speak up, make mistakes, and thrive.

Will it always be perfect? Of course not. But if we wait for someone to prove they're trustworthy before we offer trust, we might miss out on the very relationship — or result — we were hoping to build.

Trust starts with us.